Guys I am having major regrets right now. Like super major. I knew when I made the decision that if I made the choice that I did I would end up regretting it and here I am about three months later so so sad and feeling major regret. also have you said the word regret over and over ever? Don't. It sounds terrible and I am not sure if I am even using the correct word anymore. Continuing on...
So if you spend any amount of time with me you will quickly discover that I have a very deep love for Chicago. It's intense and I truly believe I belong there. But I am here. In Minnesota. And not exactly hating it but far from loving it. Back in July when I applying for jobs I was basically only applying for jobs in Chicago. And I had no luck. Jamal's grandparents live there and we strongly considered moving down with them and job hunting but I didn't want to live in someone else's house ya know. We had been talking about getting an apartment and the thought of moving into his grandparents was not appealing in the least bit. But alas here we are three into living on our own and while I love that aspect I just cannot get Chicago out of my head.
The thing that really bothers me the most is that would have been the perfect time for us. I had just graduated and had nothing really keeping me here and Jamal was working two jobs that he is not passionate about and considering going back to school so we could have moved I could have found a job and he could have started school down there. Instead we are here now and I feel like we have started too much to leave anytime soon. We signed a 13 months lease, I got a new job a month ago, and Jamal starts school in two weeks. Just perfect, right?
I can't begin to tell you how many times I have wrote the announcement post in my head. Thinking about how great it would be to tell all of you and what a surprise it would be. But instead I am writing this pathetic post and whining about what could have been. And along with all of that I just feel like I am coasting through life right now which I hate. I know I have only been in this new routine for a couple of weeks but I am already sick of it. It feels like the same thing over and over and I don't feel like I am challenging myself or growing.
Ugh. Here I am wishing that I made a different choice. Wishing that I sucked it up and moved in with his grandparents. It wasn't going to be forever anyway. So I know I will be here for at least another year but I have been trying hard not to plan too much beyond that. Because I will still have the opportunity again to move there one day or we may settle down and eventually buy a house here. I have no idea what is going to happen and I am attempting to let life flow versus trying to control every aspect. It's not easy, but I'll try. >>>>>also, that was my attempt at not ending on a super crabby note even though I really wanted to.